She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't turn off my feet"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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