Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
