Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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