I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
