I accidentally had phone sex last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
