In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
