Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
