You just made me feel so damn special
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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