He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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