Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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