So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
