She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
