We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
