just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
