The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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