sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
