dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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