3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
