So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
