Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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