i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
