Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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