I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
