"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the day after is always just damage control
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My dick has a subreddit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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