So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
