So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
