Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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