the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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