That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
