So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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