Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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