i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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