There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
