Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
