In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
