Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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