we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize