At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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