hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
