I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ttyl tear gas
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
