My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
