Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
