Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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