I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
