Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
