Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
