Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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