how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
