you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
