I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
