You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
