Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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