remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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