Your tits are I can't wait for
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
