if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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