ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
