I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
