Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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