proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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