A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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