We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
