Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
