Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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