he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
