Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
