I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
