i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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