Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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