I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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